A Guy Walks Into a Bar
by justok
Summary: McCoy says that after every mail call, there are two kinds crew members. There are those that got mail and are unhappy about what they hear, and those that don't get mail and are unhappy about it. Today, Sulu got mail.


The club was nearly empty. Hikaru was disappointed, he'd come in assuming he'd find someone to join for a drink. It was only the Officers' Club on the ship, but it felt weird to be in a bar alone and he considered leaving. He thought of his quiet quarters, and Ben's cube still in the viewer. He walked up to the bar, held his hand over the scanner and asked, "What brands of tequila do you carry?"

The dispenser replied in a pleasant, mechanical voice, "Due to restrictions of both licensing and space, all liquors served aboard Starfleet vessels are high quality, on board, replications. We feature Enterprise Tequila, a smooth drink with traditional flavor and effects."

Hikaru shook his head. He couldn't even get a drink without it being complicated. He said aloud, "Maybe I should just stick to the usual."

"Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, you have ordered two Manhattans in the last 200 duty watches." The machine supplied.

"Two hundred?" he repeated doubtfully.

"Duty watches," clarified the machine.

Hikaru said, "Not even one a month, no wonder I don't have drinking buddies." He sighed. "Okay, well today, I am drinking tequila. Hit me." He waited while the machine poured, picked up the shot, and drank it. He shuddered, and then said, "I'll take the bottle."

The dispenser replied, "There are no bottles. Due to restrictions of,"

"You feature Enterprise Tequila, I forgot," Hikaru interrupted. He took another look around the nearly empty room. There was a group of red shirts talking quietly at a table. He turned back to the bar. "How about you pour a round for me and the guys from security? I'll deliver them."

The machine filled half a dozen shot glasses. Hikaru set them on a tray and started toward the officers. They were standing up, obviously preparing to leave. He nodded, and kept going, to a table in the far corner of the room.

Feeling foolish, he set down the tray and took a seat. The upside of no companion, he told himself, was that he wouldn't have to talk. He wasn't sure he wanted to put his worries into words yet. He picked up a glass and studied it. It was surprisingly heavy. Etched into the surface was a Starfleet insignia around an ornate E. He wondered why he'd never noticed it before, then remembered he'd never been in the Officer's Club drinking tequila before either. "E for Enterprise," he said quietly. "Enterprise tequila, Enterprise shot glass, Enterprise life." He swirled the liquid, trying to make a whirlpool.

"What are you staring at? It's not going to burst into flame. Drink it already." Leonard McCoy said gruffly.

Hikaru squinted across the table. He'd been focused on the drinks before he sat down. He hadn't noticed that in a shadowy corner, as far from the bar as he could be, sat the ship's chief medical officer. There was a scowl on his face and a half empty bottle of bourbon before him.

"Sorry doc, I didn't see you," Hikaru said. "I didn't mean to intrude, I'll go somewhere else." He started to pick up his tray but stopped to ask, "How did you get a bottle? They wouldn't sell me one."

"I brought my own," McCoy said.

"That was a good idea," said Hikaru. "I should have thought of that."

"I got no interest in asking some machine for a drink. I got no interest in talking to a machine for anything. I like a human reaction. If I am getting cut off, I want to see the disgust in their eyes when they do it."

Hikaru replied, "Yes sir, well, I'm sorry I disturbed you. I'll move."

"Stay Sulu. We can be depressed together." McCoy said, patting the seat next to him.

Hikaru slid his tray towards McCoy and sat down. He asked, "Why would you think I'm depressed?"

McCoy nodded at the drinks. "That's not a meal for happy people."

Sulu shrugged an acknowledgement. He wondered how long McCoy had been drinking in the corner. He wasn't slurring his speech, but his eyelids were droopy and he seemed more aggressively unhappy than was usual even for him.

McCoy looked at the plate and asked, "Sake?"

"No, this is tequila."

McCoy snorted. "Tell me again how you aren't depressed."

"Not depressed, not exactly, I just, I wanted to think and," he paused and added, "I don't know."

"Did you get bad news from home?"

"No, nothing like that. Did you?"

"Get bad news? No, it was super news. My daughter sent a nice long communication cube and told me how much she'd enjoyed her birthday party. A dream come true she said, the best gift her folks ever gave her. That's what she said, her folks. In case that wasn't clear enough she included a holo of herself dancing with her stepfather. They look very happy."

"That sounds, um, really not good Dr. McCoy." It actually sounded horrible, Hikaru thought. He wished he knew the doctor better, so he could say something appropriate.

The doctor shrugged. "Her mother probably posed them. I wouldn't put it past her to have asked them to smile extra big. Damn her black soul."

Hikaru asked uncertainly, "Do you want some tequila?

"You know Sulu, I might at that." They each took a glass.

"Cheers," said McCoy.

They emptied the glasses, then set them on the table.

Hikaru shuddered again, "It always tastes a little like old socks to me," he said.

"Then why'd you buy it?" asked McCoy.

"I don't know, it seemed appropriate." Hikaru toyed with the shot glass some more and then added, "Ben sent a cube, and I've felt a little restless since I watched it. I went to the gym, it didn't help, so I decided to get a drink."

"For your news that wasn't bad?"

"I guess."

"Don't be embarrassed. Look around. Every being in this room either got news that upset them, or is upset they didn't get news."

Hikaru checked the room again and said, "There's hardly anyone else here doc, It's kind of quiet."

"Oh," said McCoy, craning to see the room. "Well, it is now, but believe me, a while ago this place was full of misery. It always is after a mail call."

"I never knew," Hikaru said.

"That's cause you're not usually here." McCoy said, waving his finger. "You're a member of the third group, one of those that gets news and enjoys it."

"You're right, I do, usually."

Mc Coy grimaced. He drummed on the table with his fingers and then said, "We should drink to happy families."

Hikaru gave the doctor another shot and took one for himself. "To happy families," he said bitterly, and drained his glass.

"Now that doesn't sound like you," McCoy said. He slammed his empty one onto the table, raised both his arms and said seriously, "The doctor is in. Tell me what is wrong."

Hikaru shrugged, "It's so stupid." He paused and added, "Why did I say that? I don't say that, that's what Pav always says, 'so stupid.' Well, it is so stupid. I got a nice comm from Ben. I should have loved it. The baby's neuro scan is perfect, he included a holo of it, and one of he and his sister having tea to celebrate. She's starting to show. They look happy. Everyone is excited." He sighed and added, "I resent it and it bothers me that I do, except for occasionally when I am glad that they are there and I am here and I don't have to deal with the never-ending talk of placentas, and then, I am ashamed of feeling that way." He frowned and said, "I need another drink." He slid a glass to McCoy and took one for himself.

McCoy drained his, then asked, "You are jealous your husband is spending time with his pregnant sister?"

"No, not normally." Hikaru sighed, considered his options, and then said, "Here's the whole story. Renee' is carrying our child, mine and Ben's. I am missing the entire pregnancy. Ben has never been happier, and I'm not there. It feels weird."

"You are going to be a father."

Hikaru said morosely, "And guess what, it's a girl."

"It all becomes clear."

"This is sounding wrong. I was happy. I am happy. I just, I don't know, he has this whole baby focused life going on without me, and suddenly, I feel a little left out."

"You are going to be a father. That deserves a drink."

Hikaru frowned at the tray. "We're out of drinks."

"I brought my own, remember."

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Hikaru pushed two empty glasses forward. The doctor filled them with bourbon. They each took one.

"To your daughter," McCoy said, raising his glass.

"To my daughter," Hikaru agreed. It occurred to him that he had never used that phrase before, and despite his mood, he felt a tiny, happy, thrill run through him.

They slammed the empty glasses down.

"You know, I always thought that was the best part of tequila," Hikaru said, "that noise when the empty glass hits the table. Who knew I could enjoy it without drinking socks?"

"Now one to my daughter," McCoy suggested. Hikaru nodded. They refilled the glasses.

"To seventeen years in the blink of an eye," McCoy said.

"To what you said," Hikaru agreed. They drank quickly and again, hit the table with the empty glasses.

Hikaru asked, "She's seventeen?"

"Seems impossible, but it's true."

"But, you're so young."

"I started early."

"Hmmm," Hikaru said. He studied the doctor. He didn't like to pry, but he had questions, and there were so few people he could ask. He cleared his throat, "What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"You know, having a kid."

"Don't ask me. I worked all the time, and then her mother took her away. It's no wonder she doesn't think of me as folks."

Sulu sighed and rolled his empty glass between his fingers. McCoy watched him and then said seriously, "it's good."

"Good how?"

"It's like nothing else. The first time you hold them they take a little piece of your heart, and from then on, they own it. And when you aren't with them, it always seems like something is missing."

"Really?"

"Yes, and when they are sad, you ache."

"Oh," Hikaru said.

McCoy rubbed his forehead. He said slowly, "When they need it, you can do things you never thought possible. And when you are with them, and they are happy, you feel complete in a way you never do at any other time. I haven't lived with her in years, but I still think of her every day, and worry about her, and want only good things for her."

"Wow, that's, that's beautiful doc."

"Thank you, my friend. We're friends, aren't we Sulu? I can call you that?"

"Absolutely doc. You know, you're the first person I told any of this to, because we are such great friends. Except Nyota and she forced it out of me."

"Oh yes, she does that. Woman has a will of steel, but she is discreet. Don't worry, me too. I am a doctor, not a gossip. Well my friend, you are in for an adventure. My best advice is never let a money hungry, cheating, lie telling, spider get full custody."

"Okay," Hikaru agreed.

"Because that's when the problems start. Soon you'll have no money and be getting spiteful pictures."

"Ben is not like that. Ben is great. I knew this would happen, that I would be gone for the pregnancy. We talked about it. The weird thing is, I didn't think I would mind. But I do. I was sitting there, looking at those pictures, and I thought, I am shut out of my own life. If it bothers me this much to miss the second trimester neuro exam, how will I feel when I miss the first day of kindergarten? Because I will. I will miss most the big things."

"Like birthdays?" McCoy asked.

"Yes, exactly. I was looking at those holos, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I have signed myself up to feel bad about missing things forever."

"You did," McCoy agreed. He picked up the bottle and said, "Have another drink."

They had another, and one more after that. McCoy talked about his ex-wife. Hikaru had a little trouble following the stories, but the parts he did understand seemed incredibly meaningful.

Someone slammed both hands down on their table, hard. Their glasses wobbled. Surprised, Hikaru peered up and saw Captain Kirk, leaning over the table, looking exasperated.

"Bones, what the hell?" asked the captain.

"What're you doing here?" McCoy growled.

"You asked me to meet you here at shift change, remember? It's midnight. I've been waiting at the bar. I was going to comm you, but didn't want to interrupt something important in sick bay. I asked the computer to find you. Imagine my surprise when I learned we were in the same room. I thought you said you wanted a quick drink?"

"I did."

"It looks to me like you've had quite a few quick drinks."

"I been drinking with my friend Sulu. He understands."

"I see that. Hello Sulu, you don't drink."

"I do drink, sir."

"You occasionally have a glass of wine with dinner. That is not drinking."

"From now on, I drink tacoola."

"Tacoola? Are you trying to say tequila? We'll see how you feel about that six hours from now." The captain turned back to the doctor. "In the future Bones, when you are planning to have me cart you home, could you just tell me? Then I would know to bring a dolly or an anti grav sled or something. What am I supposed to do now? It's pretty much closing time, and I can't get the both of you home."

"Then we will stay here and drink some more," McCoy said, reaching for the bottle.

"No, we won't." The captain grabbed the bottle and set it on another table. "Sulu, can you walk?"

"Sure sir," Hikaru replied, and then giggled at how that sounded.

"Now?" prompted the captain.

Hikaru started to rise. His feet felt heavy. He had trouble making everything synchronize and slipped awkwardly back into his seat. "Wow," he said, "I did not expect that. I don't feel drunk."

"Oh, you are, believe me, I know drunk." the captain said. "This is a problem. You realize all the sensible beings left at shift change? There's no one to help me. If I ask Miller he has to write you both up. That'd be fine with Bones, probably be a point of pride, but you don't want to blemish your spotless record Sulu. Here's an idea, how about next time you good buddies drink in your own quarters?"

"Yes sir," Hikaru said respectfully.

"Yesssss ssssir." McCoy echoed rudely. He muttered, "I'm a doctor. I give orders, I don't take them."

"Not very well anyway," the captain said shaking his head. "Sulu, give me your communicator."

"Why?" Hikaru asked.

"Okay, seriously guys, I am the captain. I can only allow so much; say yes sir, and hand it over."

"Yes sir," Hikaru said, patting his legs until he felt the hard case of his communicator. He gave it to the captain. "My legs feel thick," he said.

McCoy nodded. "Perfectly normal," he said.

"Just sit there, I've got a plan." The captain paged rapidly through Hikaru's contacts. He found the one he wanted and pressed to connect. "Hey, it's Kirk. Yes, Captain Kirk, do you know any other Kirks? I'm fine, how are you? Great. Yeah, I know it's Sulu's, I borrowed it. Listen, are you busy? Seriously? It's midnight Chekov. Huh, that far? Well, congratulations I guess. Can you put it on pause or something? I need your help. Good, I thought you would be. Come down to the Officers' Club, we're in the back. What? That's ridiculous. Tell them I ordered you to appear, if they give you any hassle yell for me. And don't stop to visit with anyone, hurry."

Kirk closed the comm and handed it to Sulu. "Problem solved. He's of course happy to help. I was afraid he would be asleep, but no, he's playing vids."

McCoy said, "He should be home playing soccer with the neighborhood kids."

"He's eighteen, not ten, plus I don't think he had neighborhood kids." Sulu said.

"Who cares? He shouldn't be on a starship. It's like my Joanna. They're kids. Let kids be kids, I always say. Don't push them into adulthood with parties, or positions on starships, or what have you. Remember that Sulu my friend, don't rush them through childhood."

"Okay doc," Hikaru replied. "I promise."

The captain asked, "He said they won't let him in here. Is that true?"

Hikaru nodded. It made him feel a little dizzy so he closed his eyes. Eventually he thought he had probably been nodding too long and stopped. Then he remembered to talk. "That's true. It's twenty-one and over."

"Since when? He's an officer, he should be able to get a drink if he wants one."

Hikaru said, "It's not about drinking, it's about noise levels and broken furniture, long story, very depressing."

"And legitimate concern," McCoy added.

Hikaru continued, "Anyway sir, I don't think he cares. I played cards with him and some other guys last night, no, last week, oh, sometime. Anyway, they all brought bottles, mixed them together, and drank that. They seemed perfectly happy."

"Poison Punch," said the captain. "I loved that in high school. We drank it all the time." He shook his head reflectively then added, "Hear that Bones? You can stop worrying, he's enjoying his teen years."

McCoy snorted.

Hikaru added thoughtfully, "Poison or not, he drank me under the table."

"Sulu," the captain said, "no insult, but kittens could drink you under the table. Is he any good?"

Hikaru thought for a few seconds before he answered. "You know sir, yes he is. It's hard to explain. People think I'm his self-appointed guardian or something, but really, I just enjoy his company. Well, not when he's drinking with other ensigns, that was painful, but usually, because he's interesting, and funny, and smart. I mean, yes, he's young and he's missed a few experiences, and I help him occasionally. But he is mature in some ways, like work ways and being happy ways. See, on the ship most of us are always thinking about our careers. I admit it, even me. We have to be. We all have the same goal, and most people will work all their life and not get it. You have to keep getting the best assignments, the next promotion, a bigger ship, it's always push hard to the next important thing. He's not like that. Mostly, he feels like whatever he's doing is important, so he loves it all. He reminds me to enjoy life. Sometimes, I need that. So, yes, he is a very good friend."

The captain stared at him, forehead wrinkled and eyebrow raised. Hikaru wondered if he might have been talking too much. He tried to remember how the topic had come up, but couldn't.

The captain continued to look at Hikaru for several seconds more, and then said slowly, "I meant is he any good at cards?"

Confused, Hikaru looked around the empty club. "Who?"

"Chekov, we're talking about Chekov. When you played cards, who won?"

"Oh. Um, he did, I think."

"What were you playing, were you playing poker?"

"Uh, yes sir, poker."

"So, he's good at poker, interesting. I thought he might be. How about you, are you any good?"

"I do alright."

"Bones and I play cards Saturday nights. There's kind of a revolving group, but Scotty usually comes, and Giotto, sometimes Spock and Uhura. You should join us. Bring him along. We could use some fresh talent, or meat, depending on how it goes."

"That would be great!" Hikaru said. He had never considered it before, but suddenly, socializing with the captain seemed like a wonderful idea.

Kirk looked at him doubtfully and added, "I'll send you a message tomorrow, you know, a reminder, just in case anything about this evening seems a little fuzzy or something."

McCoy said, "You know kid, that boy is clever. You might lose."

Kirk smiled confidently, "Or he might. We won't know till we play."

Hikaru nodded. "So true," he said. He closed his eyes and wondered how he had never before noticed how many profound things the captain said.

"Don't go to sleep Sulu," Kirk said. Hikaru opened his eyes. The captain was frowning at the door. "Where is he? We need to get this over with. You don't suppose he decided to try and get to some new level before he came down?"

McCoy interrupted, "Chekov is playing vid games? It's midnight on a work night. He should get some sleep. What is wrong with that boy?"

"I already told you that Bones, and anyway, I thought you wanted him out playing kick the can in the fresh air?"

"You've got an answer for everything tonight, don't you? I'm a doctor, not an answer listener."

The captain laughed, "You probably should stop talking, you're not making any sense."

"More answers Kirk?"

"They're all work nights," Hikaru said. "He's usually in engineering second shift, so if he wants to play vids it has to be at night. We don't really have lives."

"You sound like McCoy," laughed the captain. "We have the best lives there are."

McCoy asked, "You know what's a bad life? Being married to a spider."

The captain said firmly, "Don't start, I am in no mood for a recitation of the misadventures of Dr. and Mrs. Leonard McCoy. Just remember if there were no Jocelyn, there would be no Joanna."

McCoy muttered, "Seventeen, how did that happen?"

"No, no, he's eighteen now," Hikaru said. He turned to McCoy, "Doc, I should have a party or something, get my friends together. I bet you two would hit it off."

"I doubt it," McCoy said gruffly. "I don't like anyone."

"You like everyone Bones," the captain said. "You just don't like to admit it. If you have a party Sulu, invite me, and get Chekov to make the punch, for old times' sake." He looked over Hikaru's head and smiled, "There's your little sidekick now."

"Excuse me Captain Kirk, but he says you're going to vouch for him sir?" asked Lieutenant Miller, the security officer who served as general manager of the club. He stood a respectful distance from the table, with his arms crossed and a skeptical expression on his face. Next to him was Chekov, at attention, but grinning excitedly.

"Yeah, Miller, thanks. We'll be out of here quickly. I just need him to help me with something." Captain Kirk said, gesturing to the table and his officers.

Miller nodded. "Yes sir. You need anything from me?"

"Discretion?" the captain said with a smile.

"I understand perfectly sir, let me know if you change your mind." Miller nodded, saluted, and purposely turned his back on the group so that he wouldn't see what happened.

"Good man Miller," Kirk called. He added quietly to McCoy and Hikaru, "You guys owe him." He nodded at the ensign. "At ease Chekov. Nice response time. What did you do, slide down a Jefferies tube?"

"Yes sir."

"Seriously?" asked the captain and doctor at the same time.

"You said to hurry. Hello Lieutenant Sulu, Dr. McCoy."

"Hey Pav," Hikaru said, waving.

"Stop playing vid games. You are a growning boy. You need to sleep," the doctor said with a scowl.

"I am groaning?"

"I think he's trying to say 'growing.' They're drunk," explained the captain.

"Yes sir," Pavel nodded. He looked at the pair skeptically, and then said sadly, "Again Hikaru? This is so stupid, you don't drink."

Hikaru asked, "Why does everyone think I don't drink? I drink. I happen to know I drink a Manhattan or two every couple hundred shifts. Of course, in college, things were different. I partied all the time."

"You did?" Kirk asked doubtfully, "and what does he mean 'again?' Just what is it you do in your off-time Sulu?"

"I partied all the time, unless I had an early class, or a paper to write, or if it was starting to get close to finals."

The captain laughed, Hikaru continued, "But then I met Ben. Happy people don't sit in bars and drink."

"I wouldn't know," McCoy said.

"No," Hikaru said wistfully, "They talk, and listen to each other, and everything is so interesting that sometimes you forget to even finish your meal. That's probably why everyone thinks I don't drink. I have just been too happy."

McCoy snorted, then frowned at Chekov and said, "Young man, stay out of the Jefferies tubes. They're for emergencies."

Chekov was frowning at Hikaru, but answered McCoy. "It is perfectly safe sir."

"I'm a doctor, and I say it isn't."

Kirk interrupted. "Chekov, can you help me get them to bed?"

"Yes sir." Pavel said, still staring critically at Hikaru.

"I don't need help from a child, from a pair of childs." McCoy said.

"Shut up Bones. Do you think you could handle Sulu Chekov?" asked Kirk.

Pavel said, "Perhaps I should assist the doctor sir, I think he is lighter." Hikaru thought he sounded resentful, which was out of character.

"Yeah," the captain said, "but he's drunker." Hikaru wondered if the captain had noticed Chekov's tone too, because he added, "Are you sure you're okay with this? You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"We could be scary," McCoy warned. "Boo," he yelled. Hikaru started to laugh.

Pavel said, "I have experience."

"You do?" Captain Kirk said skeptically.

He nodded, "Sir, in Russia I have put to bed far drunker people than this. You should see New Year's at my grandmother's."

"In Russia, the drunks are drunker than just any old, average, Starfleet issue drunks," McCoy said.

"Yes sir, exactly," Pav said seriously.

The captain sighed, "Finally, something about Russia I believe. Okay then, I'll manage Sulu, you get McCoy. Bones, let him help you."

"Aye aye ssssssirr." McCoy said, distorting his face to copy Kirk's expression. The captain waited, arms crossed until Hikaru stopped laughing, then grabbed his arm and pulled him out of his chair.

Once he was upright, Hikaru concentrated hard, walked carefully, and tried to seem normal. The captain kept him from running into anything. McCoy was less cooperative, and staggered first one way and then the other, complaining about the lighting. It took some effort, but they made it out the door. When they got to the turbolift McCoy refused to enter it until, after encouragement from the captain, Chekov grabbed him and swung him in. They fell against the far wall.

"God, you are young," McCoy said, looking at Chekov's face like he had never seen it before.

"Yes sir," laughed Pavel.

"What were you guys celebrating anyway?" asked the captain.

McCoy scowled. "Celebrating? We are depressed. Haven't you seen depressed people before?"

"Your celebrating and your depressed look pretty similar to me. So, what are you depressed about? And don't mention Jocelyn."

"We are absentee fathers, unappreciated by our children and mocked by our one time loves who, on the captain's orders, shall be nameless."

"Not me," Hikaru said. "Ben is happy, not mocking."

"Oh yeah, I forgot," McCoy groused. "Sulu's depressed because his husband is racking up treasured parenting memories without him."

"You are hallucinating Bones. Sulu's not a father."

"I am a father captain, I drink and I am a father. I do drink and I will be a father, in four months. We are into the second trimester. Yay, in an ambivalent way."

"Really?" Chekov yelled.

"It's true Pav, I should have told you earlier, but I don't know, it's weird."

Chekov shoved McCoy against the bulkhead and launched himself toward Hikaru. He connected with enough force to push Hikaru, the captain and himself into the opposite wall. He wrapped his arms around the bigger man and yelled, "Congratulations!"

"Stop Chekov, he doesn't need any help falling down," snapped the captain, shoving Sulu upright. "And calm down. For this plan to work all the non-drunks are going to have to remain calm."

Hikaru grimaced and said, "Personal space Pavel."

Pavel stepped back. "Sorry," he said, "I forgot, I am so happy."

Hikaru nodded, "Thanks." He turned to the captain. "It's not his fault. He does that. I was hugged less by guys when I was dating."

"I don't know if he's ever mentioned this to you Sulu, but he is from Russia," McCoy explained, enunciating carefully.

Pav was babbling excitedly, Hikaru focused hard and made out, "...such exciting news, congratulations. You should have told me. I feel so much better. Now I understand, it is not so surprising. You have a good reason to be drunk, and I accept it, but no more after this, right? You will stop?"

"Thanks Pav, I'm glad you're happy. Nyota didn't think you would be."

"Why not? I am so happy."

"You've mentioned that," said the captain. "Alright guys, this is Bones' floor."

"It is time to leave, Dr. McCoy," Pavel said encouragingly, pulling gently at McCoy.

The doctor shook his head. "Nope, I am going to sick bay."

The captain held the turbolift door and said, "Nope, you're going to bed, get him out of there Chekov. Hug him if you have to."

"Aye sir," laughed Pavel, tugging harder.

In the passageway, the lights were dimmer and Hikaru found it more difficult to walk. "The hall is spinning," he said, putting a hand to his head.

The captain shook his head. "You're fading Sulu, and I am not risking a walk to your room. You're sleeping in Bones' quarters. After all, you're close friends now, and there's a couch."

Pavel said cheerfully, "This day was so boring, and now it is so great."

"Why are you happy? It's not your baby." McCoy said.

"No, but I can help. I will buy presents, and I will teach him to play the piano."

"That's nice Pav," Hikaru said. "It's a girl though."

"Don't tell us the name. It can bring bad luck. Let the first person you tell be the child."

Kirk sighed, "I keep telling you Chekov, there's no such thing as bad luck."

"Perhaps not for you Captain Kirk, but most people do have bad luck."

"At last, someone says something sensible. I'll drink to that," McCoy said.

"No more drinks Bones. You are going to bed." the captain said firmly. He led them to a door labeled, McCoy, L. CMO and pushed at the keypad.

"You know his code?" asked Hikaru.

"You keep forgetting Sulu, I'm the captain. I can override all of your locks. Anyway, this isn't the first time I've put him to bed. You should be prepared, this is how your new friend here celebrates many of the significant milestones in his life, his wedding anniversary for instance, sometimes his daughter's birthday. What else Bones?"

"You should talk. I've helped you through a few memories," the doctor growled.

The captain laughed. "Very true, Bones. You know, it's probably fortunate for our careers that neither of us have much family."

The door opened and the lights came on. They lurched into the sitting area of a sparsely decorated senior officer's stateroom.

"That's yours Sulu," Kirk said, gesturing towards the cushioned bench that ran along the far wall. "Take Bones through that door Chekov, it's the bedroom."

Pavel looked nervously at the captain. He didn't relax his grip on the doctor, but neither did he move.

"What?" asked Kirk.

The ensign said uncertainly, "In Russia, drunk people sleep in their clothes."

Kirk sighed, "That'll be fine. Don't undress him, just push him onto the bunk. He'll stay down. Grab his boots if he'll let you. And then come help Sulu with his. I'm the captain and the mastermind. I am not taking off boots."

Looking relieved, Chekov pulled the doctor towards the bedroom door.

Hikaru sagged on to the couch. "It's like I can feel the ship moving."

Kirk went into the bathroom. Hikaru could hear him rummaging through a cabinet. He came out carrying a bucket. He set it by the couch and whispered, "Use this if you need it. I am not sure even Chekov could be convinced it's an honor to clean up after you, and I am definitely not doing it." The ensign reentered the room and the captain said in a louder voice, "Here he is now, let him help you Mr. Sulu."

"Yes sir," Hikaru said. Pavel knelt at his feet and pulled at his boots. Embarrassed, Hikaru leaned forward to help, but a wave of dizzy nausea forced him to sit back and hold still until it passed. He moaned, "Pav, you shouldn't have to do this."

"I don't mind." Pavel said. "I am glad to be included in the celebration for your child."

"It's not a celebration, we are depressed dammit," McCoy yelled from the bedroom.

"Go to sleep Bones," called the captain. He turned to the ensign and added, "Seriously Chekov, how is it possible for you to function so well in the real world while living so completely in your fantasy one?"

Hikaru closed his eyes. "I am not depressed, maybe a little overwhelmed, but, I'll be happy about it all again soon."

"I am happy right now."

Kirk muttered, "Yes, Chekov, we have established beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are really, really happy. Honestly, I don't get it."

Pavel looked up, one boot in his hands, "Hikaru is having a child, and today he is sharing this amazing news with us, what could be better?"

"Lots of things, a nice steak, an Orion girl with long legs, winning." said the captain. "Listen Sulu, I'll take you and Bones off the duty roster for tomorrow. You'll have to deal with Chapel about the medical forms. Personally, I'd consider that punishment enough, but unfortunately, we'll still have to talk eventually about why this was such a poor idea."

"Yes sir, whatever you say." Hikaru sighed and added, "Pav, thanks, but I don't know. I'm worried I might be bad at this."

Chekov looked shocked, "At being a father? You will be a great father."

"People say that, but no one really knows, I'll hardly ever see her.

"Hikaru, you have never allowed yourself to fail at anything, and this is something important, of course you will do well. Besides, already you are good at the things a father must do."

Hikaru opened his mouth to object, but the captain said, "Well, this should be interesting. What things Mr. Chekov, must fathers do?"

"Have money," Pavel said seriously. "Hikaru has a job."

"I'll be a paycheck. It won't matter that I am never going to be there. Renee' and Ben can be a happy family. They'll get my money, and I'll get pictures of her at dances." Hikaru said. He lay down on the couch. His stomach hurt, his head ached, and he felt miserable.

The captain asked Chekov, "That's it? That's the best you've got?"

Pavel stood up, slipped Hikaru's boot under his arm, looked thoughtful and started to count on his fingers, "Hikaru is good tempered and speaks respectfully to everyone."

"Seriously," said the captain.

"Yes," said Chekov, "even when he tells me to shut up, it is in a nice way."

"I don't tell you to shut up," Hikaru protested.

Pavel continued, "He only hits people that deserve it. He never loses his temper because he is drunk. In fact, until recently, I had never seen him drunk, and I am hopeful this new responsibility will inspire him to again control himself." Hikaru tried to object, Pavel side eyed him resentfully and continued quickly. "He is always encouraging when he tries to teach me to defend myself, even though I am bad at it."

The captain looked like he wanted to laugh, but only said, "Now I'm depressed."

Hikaru shook his head, regretted it, and said, "Pav."

Pavel continued, tapping his next finger as if he hadn't heard them, "A father should be interested in their children. Hikaru is interested in everything."

"Yes, but his interests don't tend to maintain. Have you thought about what might happen when it's planting time? The baby and arugula will have to fight it out for his attention." laughed Kirk.

Hikaru thought that was a little much, he tried to think of a response but Pav beat him to it. "Captain," he said, "He does not talk about it and I did not wish to embarrass him, but Hikaru loves Ben, and he will love their baby. That is the most important thing."

The captain raised an eyebrow but didn't respond. "And, he has a great job," Pavel repeated hopefully.

Kirk shrugged. "Alright Chekov, you win. Sulu, I've known guys who tried to parent who had less going for them. I shouldn't be so negative, congratulations."

Hikaru moaned, "I'm never going to be there. Ben is going to raise her alone."

Kirk sounded suddenly weary when he said, "Sulu, just do the best you can. The kid will understand."

Pavel looked from the captain to his friend, and said, "Don't worry Hikaru, she will know you love her, and she will love you. It will be great, and I will help."

"Why are you such a nice guy?" murmured Hikaru, his eyes closed. "You know who's going to be a great father Pav? You."

"I hope, but do you know who's going to be a great father soon Hikaru? You."

"Oh man, he's right." said Hikaru, and reached for the bucket.


End file.
